Last month, I published a blog post
about managing
my mental health and dealing with social anxiety. And I want to continue
that conversation. I thought I would highlight a recent example of where my
anxiety kicked in and how I dealt with it.
Sometimes going out and doing things that come easy for everyone else doesn’t come so easy for me. Like going to the movies by myself. My anxiety gets triggered when I think of being in social situations by myself or around large groups of people. Even seeing a movie in a movie theater. Last week, Spider-Man: Far From Home from Marvel Studios came out. And I am religious about seeing every Marvel Cinematic Universe movie on opening night AND in IMAX. For IMAX movies in Regal Cinemas, they release special collector tickets. And I collect them. So, by seeing these movies on opening night – I ensure I get one of these tickets. For popular movies, these tickets can go quickly.
When it came to seeing Spider-Man:
Far From Home, I didn’t have anyone available to go with me on opening night. And
it makes me feel more comfortable going to movies with someone I know. Yes, I
know – it’s just a movie and you’re just sitting there watching a big screen
for 2 hours and not really being “social”. You’re still around a lot of people
though especially when your going to a hotly anticipated movie which most of
the Marvel movies are.
In trying to manage my anxiety, I
am challenging myself to confront these situations head on rather than avoid
them. To make sure I didn’t weasel out of seeing this movie, I used the Regal
Cinemas app to purchase a ticket for the movie in advance. An IMAX movie ticket
on opening night isn’t cheap. And it’s not trivial to get your money back for a
ticket you bought through the app. I trapped myself a week before the movie. I
HAD to go. Otherwise I would be wasting a decent amount of money which is
stupid.
In short – I went to the movie, it
was awesome (highly recommend seeing it and seeing it in IMAX), and I got the
collectible ticket.
There are still cases where my
anxiety gets the best of me. I wanted to go see the Foo Fighters (my favorite
band) in concert and didn’t go because I didn’t want to go by myself. Same for
Weezer. And every year I tell myself I’m going to go to San Diego Comic-Con but
never actually do it. I’ve still got work to do. But at least I’m taking baby
steps!
For those of you who have social anxiety, how do you manage
it? I’d love some tips to try! Leave a comment or tweet at me.
It’s been nearly 18 years since we last saw Sir Patrick Stewart in the role of Captain Jean-Luc Picard. And later this year, he’s bringing Captain Picard back in a brand new Star Trek series for CBS All Access – appropriately called “Star Trek: Picard”. We were given a teaser trailer for this new Picard series last month and today CBS released the very first image for the show:
There is even an animated version of the image that was shared on Twitter:
— Star Trek on Paramount+ (@StarTrekOnPPlus) July 10, 2019
We don’t know much about the show’s plot other than it takes place 20 years after the events of Star Trek: Nemesis. We know Picard is no longer in Starfleet and has retired to his family’s vineyard in La Barre, France. We also know that the destruction of Romulus that was shown as happening in the 2009 J.J. Abrams Star Trek movie will also play an important part in the show. As mentioned in the teaser trailer, Picard led one of the largest rescue armadas ever to Romulus. Something happened resulting in Picard retiring as an admiral. And something in this new series brings Picard out of retirement.
I am so excited for this show! We’ll find out more later this month and San Diego Comic-Con.
Mental health
issues (or disorders) affect 1 in 4 people. That means millions of people
today live with mental health issues like Autism, Depression, Anxiety, Dyslexia,
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and others. Unfortunately,
that has come with a somewhat negative stigma. Studies on these mental health
issues are ongoing, but it has been discovered that many are the result of how
the brain is “wired” which can impact behavior as well as create challenges in
thinking and learning. Today’s push on neurodiversity
challenges the negative stigma by saying that the differences in how the brain
is wired that results in mental health issues are simply normal variations in
humans and shouldn’t be treated as a defect. These people are simply a normal
variation of the human species. To put a spotlight on neurodiversity and to
fight the negative stigma often associated with mental health, many people are
speaking out and sharing their experiences on their own mental health issues. And
I would like to take part in this conversation by sharing my own experiences dealing
with my mental health.
Throughout my entire life, there
have been very specific situations which make me extremely anxious. It began
when I was a kid with minor things like reading out loud in class when I was in
grade school. My teachers and parents just told me I was “nervous”. But as I
got older, it got worse. In high school, the risk of simply getting picked by a
teacher in class to answer a question or read out loud gave me feelings of
panic and fear causing my heart rate to skyrocket. It also gave me stomach troubles.
Having to present a project in front of the class or participate in group
projects made me feel the same way: absolute panic. Anything related to being
in major social situations gave me severe anxiety. So, I did everything I could
to avoid getting into these situations. I managed this well in high school, but
this became more challenging in college. In college, there were classes that
required you to participate in group projects to pass the course. I ended up
simply not doing the group projects which in turn meant not getting good
grades. I didn’t go out to parties. I couldn’t make friends. No matter how hard
I tried to convince myself to feel differently in these social situations – it
never worked. It wasn’t until my late 20’s when I realized I was dealing with Social
Anxiety Disorder.
I continued to do everything I
could to avoid the situations that would give me anxiety, even when I started
working for Microsoft in 2008. To avoid these situations, I created various
excuses. But a few years ago, I realized that by avoiding these situations, I
was missing out on experiences and opportunities. I missed out going to product
launches and big technology conferences because I convinced my managers that “I
didn’t need to be there” because I didn’t want to travel. I missed out on
meeting new people and making new friends after moving to Seattle because I
didn’t go to social gatherings like happy hours I was invited to. I was given
opportunities to meet amazing people I admire like Satya Nadella and I didn’t
take them because I “didn’t want to bother people”. I’ve passed up so many
amazing opportunities to introduce myself to people and always chickened out. And
I’m divorced because my ex-wife felt she was missing out on doing fun things
with friends and family which I avoided because of my anxiety.
After my divorce, I decided to take time to self-reflect. In OneNote, I created a list going back as far as I could remember of all the experiences and opportunities I missed out on because of my anxiety. It was a rather long list. But the list served as a forcing function for me to face my fears. I didn’t want this list to grow. In fact, I wanted to create a new list of all the NEW experiences and opportunities I get to have as a result of facing my fears. My hope is that it allows me to grow more comfortable with more social interaction both professionally and personally. Every time I find myself closing up and feeling anxious – I’ll open up the list of all the things I’ve missed to remind myself I don’t want to add to it. It’s a great way to hold myself accountable.
Over the course of the last two years, I’ve had amazing opportunities and experiences as a result of me facing my fears. I’ve traveled to Europe for the very first time and visited London and Munich. I discovered a way to make myself feel more comfortable is to travel with someone I trust and who I am comfortable with. It made a huge difference in the level of anxiety I felt. I’ve spoken in front of groups of people at a big technology conference. Instead of getting up in front of a bunch of people and making a speech, I’ve discovered I feel a lot more comfortable speaking along with someone else on stage who I can work off of. And I’ve done social things where I’ve met cool people. But I have a lot more work to do. I still find myself falling back into my old routine of avoiding things. Dealing with this is really hard for me. I feel like I’m broken because I see everyone else out traveling the world, having fun, making friends – but I struggle so much. But I remind myself of the progress I’ve made so far.
I have so much more to say on this
topic and on mental health. I want this blog post to serve as an introduction to
me talking more about this and opening to my struggles as well as ways I’m
coping and managing my anxiety. I have been signed up by
my boss (told) to take part in a neurodiversity session at Microsoft Ignite 2019 in
November. Microsoft has been investing a lot in diversity and
inclusion in technology and this is part of that effort. I’m glad to be
taking part in this conversation!
Yes, its the same Robert Pattinson who played “that vampire” in the Twilight movies. Each time a new actor has been cast as Batman, there is always a group of people who go “He’s not Batman” dating all the way back to when Michael Keaton was announced as Batman in Tim Burton’s 1989 “Batman”. I remember when Christian Bale was cast and a bunch of people lost it. But not as much as people lost it when Heath Ledger was cast as The Joker in Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight” and he ended up being the best version of the character to appear on screen to-date. I think its important to reserve any judgement on Robert as Batman until we see him in character in Matt Reeves’ movie. There’s a reason he was cast. And Matt has a specific vision for Batman he’s going for. Let’s wait to see it come to life first before judging.
In the meantime, check out this blog post I made that re-caps most of what we know about Matt Reeves’ “The Batman”.
UPDATE 2023: I was a naive little nerd when I wrote this blog post back in 2019. At the time, I loved the ANOVOS Starfleet uniforms I had purchased and received. I loved the quality and attention to detail. In my mind, I felt like I was owning production-quality uniforms from the various Star Trek shows and movies. I felt that waiting on the things I ordered was acceptable if it meant getting these really cool high-quality unforms. And I had thousands of dollars in pre-orders for more. I wanted to say thanks to the company for their work. They didn’t ask me to write this as I did so on my own. Then in September 2021, it seemed ANOVOS had completely disappeared with what appeared to be members from ANOVOS going on to form this other company called DENUO NOVO. TrekCore reported on the situation. Star Trek fans, including me, who had pre-orders waiting to be fulfilled from ANOVOS were told nothing with absolutely zero communication from ANOVOS about what had happened. It’s 2023 now and there has still not been any communication regarding the outstanding ANOVOS pre-orders. This has been a lesson for me in writing blog posts that seemingly endorse companies like I did here with ANOVOS and looking like a shill and then ended up looking even more stupid. Sadly, the new company DENUO NOVO has the Star Wars license. If you are a Star Wars fan, I highly recommend NOT buying anything from this new company, despite their insistence they have nothing to do with ANOVOS. Clearly, something shady happened with ANOVOS and DENUO NOVO and you should not trust ordering anything from them.
Yesterday, the co-founders of ANOVOS published an article on their website explaining what has been going on with regards to significant delays to many of their products pre-ordered by customers. The cause, they say, is due to “complex burden of accuracy”. The company is making some adjustments to be better at getting products out into the hands of customers. As a customer who has several products pre-ordered that has been delayed (some of which delayed quite a bit…), I wanted to write a letter of support for the company because their products are simply stunning and amazing when you get them and completely worth the wait.
So, who is ANOVOS? ANOVOS
is a small company that specializes in producing screen-accurate and highly
detailed replica costumes and props from Star Wars, Star Trek, Ghostbusters,
Marvel and a few others. Their products are very popular, especially with Star
Wars and Star Trek fans with many fans wearing their product to conventions. Through
their licensors like LucasFilm or CBS, they get access to the exact costumes
and props used in the TV and movies to create their products allowing them to
truly specialize in creating products that are incredibly accurate. And this is
what attracted me to purchasing ANOVOS products: accuracy.
As a Star Trek fan – I’ve always wanted to own screen-accurate
uniforms from the TV shows and movies. When it comes to Star Trek, I am
extremely detailed orientated. DETAILS MATTER! A Star Trek uniform from
Rubie’s isn’t going to cut it for me. I want to feel like what I’m wearing
is exactly what they wore on the show. When ANOVOS came to the table with their
uniforms for Star Trek – I was excited someone was finally doing this and
specializing in accuracy. My very first ANOVOS purchase was the Captain Picard
jacket as seen being worn by Captain Picard in the later seasons of Star Trek:
The Next Generation. And I was blown away by the quality and accuracy. I wore
it around work like Captain Picard wore it around the Enterprise.
The way ANOVOS works is they solicit a product and then open
it up for pre-orders. Usually when they solicit the product, it’s in the
prototype stage with development of the product on-going. The pre-orders are
limited to a certain number or sometimes in waves. Filling that number ensures
they can produce the product. Often, you’re in a waiting game on a product you
pre-order as ANOVOS develops the product for manufacturing. I currently have
several pre-orders – some of which I made nearly two years ago. What has caused
delays in getting products to customers is the process of producing these products
can ben immensely complex due to the focus on accuracy. ANOVOS hopes to make
changes that avoids having to decrease their focus on accuracy but shrinks the
time it takes to get products out to customers.
I completely support ANOVOS in their efforts. But I also don’t
mind waiting. The products I’ve purchased from them have been amazing. I mean,
simply incredible. I’m not upset I have pre-orders going back almost 2 years
because I know what I’ll get will be stunning and reflect incredible quality. The
main issue for me is simply lack of transparency on the ongoing development of
the products I pre-ordered and resulting delays. I want to see ANOVOS do a better
job communicating with customers because I think that will make a HUGE difference.
When you order products from ANOVOS, you’re getting the best-of-the-best so its
best to reset your expectations of having something be immediately available
but know you’re getting something awesome.
I’m currently waiting on several products from ANOVOS I’m
really excited about including:
I am so excited about these products and can’t wait to show them off! ANOVOS has my complete support and as long as they continue to make awesome costumes and props from Star Trek and Ghostbusters, they have my business.
I caught his news earlier this week and wanted to promote… NASA has released a new 168-page book featuring images captured by Earth-observing satellites to showcase the beauty of Planet Earth. You can order the book here from NASA’s store (although unfortunately it looks like its backordered). BUT you can *also* grab the free eBook version here! I’m going to be reading through the eBook version on my Surface Go while I travel to London today.
We’ve been having a significant “snow event” here in Seattle and it has given me some time to put down a blog post highlighting some of the big things I want to do and be better at in 2019 (aka be better at adulting).
These are the things I want to do this year:
I want to continue building my brand. Back in September, I blogged about building my personal brand. I want to continue that investment into 2019.
I want to continue being an advocate of diversity in technology. Back in September at Microsoft Ignite 2018, I took part in several Diversity and Technology sessions which really fired me to be a better advocate. I also spoke at an internal Microsoft event in Redmond put on by the Hispanic/Latinx Organization of Leaders in Action (HOLA) group. I want to continue to participate in these types of sessions and events. I passionately believe people with different backgrounds and experiences should be given equal opportunity to thrive in both their professional and personal lives and am incredibly proud of the work Microsoft is doing in this area.
Me at Microsoft Ignite 2018.
I’ve created a list of work projects by priority. Over the holidays, I took some time to reflect on how I work. I really wanted to give myself some focus in 2019 and do a better job setting myself up for success in my job. That’s not to say I wasn’t being successful. I just felt I could do better. Instead of being a bit random in the projects I am working on, I decided to create a list of projects that I intend to focus on for the rest of the year by priority. That list and their priority were agreed upon by my manager. And I keep this list in Microsoft To-Do. Now, when something random comes my way – I will measure it against this list to ensure I am focusing on the right things and evaluating any trade-offs that might need to be made. Part of this is also learning to say “no” to things (or delegate). I have always struggled with that. Part of this is that I want to give myself dedicated time to think about things more thoroughly and exert my creativity. I have a very active mind and it needs to let loose some creativity! Of course this list can evolve as priorities change and shift projects around!
I’ve created a personal financial plan for the entire year. I’ve created a financial Microsoft Excel spreadsheet where I have plugged in all my reoccurring expenses and bills. My goal is to pay down what debt I have and boost my personal savings account. This spreadsheet allows me to plug in and estimate numbers for the rest of the year. My intent is to be far smarter about my spending this year which also means being much more deliberate in choosing what nerdy things I collect. My other goal is to save up and trade-in my Ford F-150 by the end of the year. I love the truck but its far too big for what I need especially in the Seattle area. What will I trade my truck in for? Well, it will either be another Ford like the new Edge ST or a Tesla Model 3. We’ll see. Keeping your financials in good shape is a critical thing any adult should be doing and I was doing it previously but more on a month to month basis rather than long term.
I want to write more on my blog. I want to write more here on my blog. I find it therapeutic and it helps exert some of that creativity I mentioned above. There are a lot of topics I care about and I want to talk about those things here. Last year I floated the idea of possibly writing a book but realized I’m not ready yet to do that. I’ve begun using Microsoft OneNote to keep ideas on topics I want to write about on this blog.
I got to see the Space Shuttle Atlantis in real life!
I want to be a better advocate of the exploration of space. I recently donated and joined The Planetary Society. Through The Planetary Society, I sent letters to state and federal politicians regarding the impact of the recent U.S. Government shutdown on space exploration. I also became a backer of the Restore Historic Mision Control on Kickstarter to preserve the legacy of the Apollo Program.
I want to travel more this year. Ok, there are two pieces of this one. Whenever an opportunity to travel presents itself at work, I want to do it. I recently took my very first trip to Europe (London and Munich) and it was awesome! I’m going back to London at the end of this month for Microsoft Ignite | The Tour. Additionally, I need to be better at actually taking vacation time. I tried to take several weeks off over the holidays and didn’t do a great job. I’ve already made progress and plan to go with some friends to San Diego in June!
Me having tea in London.
So lets see how I do in accomplishing all these this year!
Back in August, I pulled together a bunch of the latest details on the next Batman movie coming from director/writer Matt Reeves. As a huge Batman fan, I am very interested to see what kind of “Dark Knight” Matt will bring to the big screen so I’m following its developments very closely. And today we got a little bit more information as pre-production for the movie continues.
“It’s very much a point of view-driven, noir Batman tale. It’s told very squarely on his shoulders, and I hope it’s going to be a story that will be thrilling but also emotional. It’s more Batman in his detective mode than we’ve seen in the films. The comics have a history of that. He’s supposed to be the world’s greatest detective, and that’s not necessarily been a part of what the movies have been. I’d love this to be one where when we go on that journey of tracking down the criminals and trying to solve a crime, it’s going to allow his character to have an arc so that he can go through a transformation.”
I cannot begin to describe how excited I am about seeing a version of Batman on the big screen that’s in “detective mode”. In the comics, Batman is known in the DC Universe as the “world’s greatest detective”. Batman is a crime fighter but also a crime solver. He comes in and investigates a crime that has all kinds of clues that are like puzzle pieces that need to be put together. He’s super smart and has a lot of technology that helps him in his investigation. I think there is a common misconception with Batman that he just goes around punching criminals but that’s not the case. He investigates then punches or punches as he investigates. But he always makes sure the evidence proves a person did the crime.
Matt provides some other tidbits in the same interview:
He says that that his Batman movie will feature a Rogues Gallery. But he did not reveal which villians would be part of that gallery. Back in August, it was rumored that Star Wars star Oscar Issac was in talks for the lead villian role but it is unknown if he actually signed on.
Speaking of casting, Matt says the casting process would begin shortly. So that Oscar Issac rumor seems a bit odd as back in August the script wasn’t even close to being finished and probably not ready for casting. But who knows.
He also says doing another pass on the script and beginning “some long-lead stuff to start developing conceptual things”.
And finally, he says the film is targeting a Summer 2021 release.
Second: It was revealed today via Deadline that Ben Affleck will officially NOT be returning as Batman/Bruce Wayne for Matt Reeves’ Batman movie which he also confirmed himself on Twitter.
Looks like we no longer need to debate on that. This gives Matt the complete freedom to create his vision of Batman and I can’t wait to see who he finds to put on the cape and cowl. However, Ben Affleck did put alot of work into the story so he may carry some sort of credit on the film regardless.
So there you have it! That’s the latest on the new Batman movie. I’d expect to see some casting news in the coming months and maybe even some sort of presentation at San Diego Comic-Con this summer from Warner Bros.
Again, I suggest following Matt Reeves on Twitter to stay updated on the latest going on with “The Batman”.
On my way home from work today, I was thinking about how in Star Trek, Starfleet officers can summon the computer to start recording a log entry by using their voice. In Star Trek, Starfleet officers keep a record of their activities aboard their starship by recording logs which are like journal entries. This is particularly important for the senior officers on the starship such as the captain and first officer. This is why episodes of Star Trek often start with a “Captain’s log…”. So I got to thinking how cool it would be if someone were to develop a sort of “Captain’s log” skill for digital assistants like Cortana, Alexa, or Google Assistant where we could use our voice to start a personal log entry and start talking about our day. This would require a really good voice-to-text service and overall incredible voice recognition. This would be like Otter Voice Notes but on steroids. And imagine adding AI to this service so that when you record these logs, AI recognizes certain things like tasks, important events and adds them to lists and calendars automatically.
At the end of the evening, I’d love to be able to say “Hey Cortana, begin recording log entry” and start talking about and reflecting on my day and have things intelligently show up in my Microsoft To-Do lists and Outlook calendar.
A little over a month ago, I went to Europe for the very first time for a work trip. And it was awesome. I decided to split blogging about my experience into two parts: part one for London and part 2 for Munich. Here is part 2!
Day 1
Day 1 was mostly traveling from London to Munich which went pretty uneventful. We arrived in Munich in the early evening so it was dark. It was also very foggy which set the tone for most of visit in terms of weather. We flew Lufthansa so we arrived at Munich International Airport’s Terminal 2. Terminal 2 is the newest part of the airport and I was impressed by the modern design and décor. Customs went quickly and we grabbed an Uber to our hotel. Unfortunately what normally would have taken 25 minutes ended up being over an hour due to traffic. With the traffic and the fact they drive on the same side of the road as we do in the U.S., it felt a bit more familiar than when we arrived in London. By the time we got checked in to the hotel, it was late and we were hungry. So we hopped into another Uber and headed into Munich.
After seeing one of coolest-designed bus stops I had ever seen – we decided to eat at Wirtshaus Zur Brez’n where I had my first real taste of German brats! And some amazing German pretzels. And some beer. It was the perfect way to end the evening.
Day 2
View from my hotel room.
Upon waking up the next day, the fog continued to linger over Munich but I managed to see some of Munich’s Bavarian buildings from my hotel room. To be honest, the mix of fog, being chilly out, and the Bavarian architecture really made the fact I was in Germany a bit surreal to me. However, today was spent mostly at the Microsoft Munich office in meetings. (After all, this was a work trip!)
The lobby of the Microsoft Munich office was impressive!
Day 3
For Day 3, we spent half the day attending a small work conference and talking to local Microsoft employees. But early afternoon, we escaped to do some sightseeing! We went straight to Marienplatz. This was the main spot I wanted to see while in Munich. And thankfully the fog finally cleared! (But it was still cold!)
Hofbräuhaus Beer Hall.
But first: we ate lunch at a small Italian restaurant called Ristorante Galleria and then headed to check out Hofbräuhaus. Hofbräuhaus was built in 1589 (almost 500 years ago!) as a brewery. In the late 1800’s, the brewery moved to a location just outside Munich but the beer hall remained where it is today.
Beer at Hofbräuhaus is served in standard 1 liter mugs called Maß.Live German music at Hofbräuhaus.
After Hofbräuhaus – we were off to finally see Marienplatz! Marienplatz is city square in the center of Munich that originally held markets and tournaments in the Middle Ages. Today it is the site of modern retail as well as the site for the Old and New Town Halls. Marienplatz was buzzing with lots of people and the energy was incredible. I fell in love with a lot of the men’s fashion I saw – particularly I saw a lot of men wearing vests along with their button up shirts and jeans. The architecture was also incredible – specifically the New Town Hall.
The New Town Hall at Marienplatz in Munich,Detail on the New Town Hall. Cathedral of Our Dear Lady under renovation.
Around the corner from the New Town Hall was the Cathedral of Our Dear Lady which looked to be under renovation. But the true surprise of Marienplatz was Saint Michael Church. Finished in 1597, the amount of detail inside the church was absolutely stunning. I had never been inside a church like this one. I recognize there are many older churches across Germany and Europe but this was the first time I stepped foot in a church older than the United States.
The view upon entering Saint Michael Church. This is the pipe organ of Saint Michael Church.
After Saint Michael Church, we continued to walk around as night fell. We visited a local comic book store which was interesting – although all the Batman comics were in German. We were due to head back to Hofbräuhaus for a Windows Insider meet-up but I was fighting jetlag and a cold and I was bummed to have to make the decision to skip the meet-up to get some rest. So I retuned to the hotel and literally passed out.
Day 4
It was time to head home. After waking up early to get ready to head to the airport, Munich provided a amazing view of the sunrise which really made me smile (above photo).
We didn’t have a direct flight back home and had a 4 hour layover in Atlanta where I got lost after passing through customs. Other than that, the trip home was uneventful – but long.
Final Thoughts
Ok so jetlag is very real. I’ve gone to the U.S. east coast many times so I thought I understood jetlag. But in reality I had no idea. Flying during what is normally overnight for me to London helped make the first day or so in London manageable but my body had a hard time adjusting to such a big time difference and toward the middle of the week it hit me pretty hard. Our second to last night in Munich it hit me the hardest where it felt like I was fighting a cold and ended up missing our Insider meet-up to rest. That was a bummer. Next time I may have to take sleeping pills or something to force my body to adjust and sleep during the normal local time.
I am so grateful that work provided me with the chance to visit Europe and special thanks to Dona Sarkar for babysitting me during the trip and showing me around London. I was nervous but it was an amazing experience and can’t wait to go back. I’ll actually be heading back to London for Microsoft Ignite – The Tour at the end of February. I’m planning to stay a few extra days after the event to do some more sightseeing with a friend (shout out to Ioana who is awesome!).
