Frustrating online dating experience

I’ve been divorced for about 2 years now and I’ve dated a few people since the divorce was finalized. My last relationship was awesome but I called it off as I wasn’t quite feeling the connection on my end due to some things I needed to figure out on my own. So I took some time off from trying to date to figure that out. This was a few months ago. Recently, I’ve jumped back onto the dating apps – primarily Bumble and Tinder to casually look at meeting new people. I’m an introvert. And there’s the so-called “Seattle Freeze”. So it’s a bit difficult for me to meet women. The dating apps help with that. So that’s really my dating life in a nutshell. I don’t normally write about my dating life but wanted to vent. Who knows if I will actually post this (Update – I did.).

Up until two days ago, I had been messaging back and forth with a woman I connected with from Bumble. We hit it off (or it appeared we did at the time) and decided to move from messaging via the Bumble app to texting each other after exchanging phone numbers. We texted each other all day one day asking lots of questions and in general getting to know each other more. We even exchanged Instagram accounts which gives more insight into the kind of person I was. She even followed me and gave me permission to follower her (her Instagram account was locked down). I was going on vacation to Arizona but told her I wanted to meet up when I got back and she also wanted to meet up. The very next day – things were completely different. Texts were short and pointed. It felt like I was getting the cold shoulder. I asked if anything was wrong and she told me she was just at work. So naturally, I left her alone since she was at work. We had texted while she was at work the day before. But I still wanted to be respectful. Another day passed and I texted “Happy Friday” since it was Friday but I heard nothing back from her. I hesitated to reach out as I didn’t want to seem too clingy. I opened up the Bumble app and noticed she un-matched us. Then I noticed she un-followed my Instagram account. I still had permission to see her Instagram though. Things felt weird. So I texted her and asked if we were still on the same page about getting to know each other. She finally responded with a “not interested” message. I thanked her for her response but I am pretty sure I was blocked by then and she removed me from her Instagram. So that was that.

I totally get that in the process of exchanging messages with people, things can result in someone changing their mind about whether or not a match on a dating app is actually a good match. That’s kind of how the process works before you end up meeting in real life. But I’m frustrated with how things went down here.

First,  things went from seemingly really good to not good at all overnight with no explanation. I read and re-read my messages to try and figure out if I said anything wrong and nothing stood out. So I was really confused.

Second, it appeared that she never really intended to text me back that she had changed her mind and was no longer interested. She un-followed my Instagram and un-matched us on Bumble. It was only when I texted her asking point-blank if we were on the same page that she responded. She was just going to disappear – or “ghost” me.

Oh well. I’m frustrated but I wish her well. I just think I deserved more of an explanation.

3 replies to “Frustrating online dating experience”

  1. bruh 17 years later i got dumped in a businesslike email and it has never gotten a bit better … spent 5-7 years with all kinds of wild strange and then celibate for 8+ … half my friends are in the adult industry.. got a therapist but pushing 40 just learned I don’t need sex or validation. quit all the services stopped looking and now I turn women away.

  2. Well, that’s awful… I’m sure you’ll find someone very soon. You’re a really cool guy (I follow you on Twitter :P)

  3. All I can say if that you dodged a bullet; perhaps more of a grenade? I am not sure if this is normal for an introvert, however, I am also surprised when I run into someone without basic etiquette skills and very selfish.

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